The holidays can bring anxiety to even the healthiest of relationships. Will you be visiting your new man's home and meeting his family for the first time? Maybe the idea of an all-at-once encounter with the whole extended family gives you the jitters.
Typically we go into these situations with thoughts of "Will I fit in?" and, "Will they like me?" This year change your thinking. Flip your outlook. Foster a mindset that asks, "Will I like them?" and, "Will my man make good husband material?" No longer a time of anxiety and uncomfortable feelings, the holidays will serve as a period of powerful exploration, an answers-seeking adventure to see if this man could be your "One."?
Families bring out the Best and the Worst
Carving a turkey, attending a religious ceremony or simply gathering for a family feast, any chance to spend serious family time with your mate is an opportunity to see just who you are dating. Don't drink too much so that you go into la la "check out" land; instead focus your mind so you can evaluate the family scene and get the answers you need to predict how your life would be with this man.
How does he transform from Prince Charming into Family Man?
While dating, you're getting to know him one on one. You're sharing romantic experiences and there's probably a good dose of wining and dining. Hopefully you're drenched in candlelight and sweet kisses. But when the holidays arrive, it's transformation time. Observe your guy in his new role as "family man;" analyze the "costume" he puts on and decide whether you like it or not.
What "Family Man" Role does he play?
See where your man fits in when he's around his family. Watch how he interacts with his parents, siblings and other family members. Does he help out? Does he expect to be waited on? Is he a man of extremes -- overly sweet or incredibly rebellious or distant? Most likely the roles that his mother and father play and the role that he plays around them will be the lifestyle that he will create with you.
Three Possible Personalities:
The Momma's Boy
He loves his mommy, there's no denying that. He makes eye contact when he's talking to her; he's very touchy feely with her, always checking in to see if she's okay. "Mom, do you want a drink?" "Mom, can I get something for you?" "Mom, are you okay?" He pampers his mom and wants to please her.
Pros: He's a good man. He'll care for you like he cares for ?his mom.
Cons: His mom will always be a part of your life. Her opinion in his affairs may count more than yours.
The "Serve Me" Boy
Your man enters his parent's home, plops himself down on the couch, and from the minute you arrive to the minute you leave, his mom... or other female family members serve him. He may not be fully aware of this... but his thoughts are most likely: You're my slave, feed me, pick up after me, do everything for me.
Pros: He's a traditional "old school" man. You play the "traditional role" of female by cooking and cleaning and he'll play the "traditional role" of male by putting a roof over your head and bringing home the money.
Cons: If you're looking for someone to cook with, clean with, etc., this guy's probably not into sharing the household duties. If you want an equal partnership, he's not the "One" for you.
The "Boys Club" Guy
Here's the Holiday scene: your man, his father, his brother, and his uncle -- all in the same room, with beers (or wine if he's a classy one...) all talking about the football game or watching it. The women are in the kitchen preparing the meal, chatting about their lives, and you're expected to be with them. What are holidays like in this family? They're a division of the sexes.
Pros: Holidays are looked at as bonding experiences for family members of the same sex. Catch up on girl talk. Learn the latest recipe. Get womanly support. Your time with your man will be when you get home... or possibly at night, in the guest bedroom!
?Cons: If you're interested in hanging out with your man during the holidays, it ain't gonna happen. It's a separation of the sexes and you can like it or leave it.
Holidays are a great time to discover another side of the person you're dating. Afterwards, open the lines of communication and discuss your "findings" about his family dynamics, the role he plays and the role you're expected to play. Listen to his perspective regarding the events of the season, then take a step forward by discussing the type of life -- and the type of holiday memories -- you'd like to create together.
Evaluating the family
Decide if you like them. Are they warm and welcoming to you... or cold and judgmental?
Do they treat you like their son is too good for you? Or that you're a perfect match? Or maybe they think that you're too good of a catch for him and make jokes wondering why you're with him.
Bottom line: Do you like how he acts around his family?
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