Q; My wife and I are good solid people within our respective lives. However, somehow we seem to make each other miserable. Things are so tender between us now with both of us walking on eggshells that we may not make it.
A: It's so odd that two people can love each other and yet neither of us feels loved by the other one. The disconnect between what you think you're giving out and what each of you feels he or she is receiving is a common one in marriage.
Imagine someone lovingly making you bacon and eggs for breakfast every morning, thinking they're showing you love when the reality is you don't like big breakfasts and are are more the cereal and fruit-type. Helping someone to feel loved must line up with the way in which they want/need to be loved. For some people it's words of affirmation that warms their hearts. For others, its acts of service or still others touch and affection.
I suggest you read the "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman for more on the subject of creating compatible love languages in marriage.
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Pamela Thompson, Psy. D., is the owner of Building Bridges to Better Lives, P.C., in south Atlanta. She works together with a group of psychologists at a life and executive coaching firm known as The Novem Group, novemgroup.com. Answers provided by this column are no substitute for therapy.
Visit divorce360.com for help before, during and after divorce.
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